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经典爆笑笑话大全搞笑糗事冷笑话!

选择字号: 超大 标准 dzgoadmin 发布于2019-07-31 属于 冷笑话 栏目  0个评论 151人浏览

  大全,小明考试从来不写试卷,因为知道写了也不会及格,不如不写。这样老师也不用改我的试卷,直接打0分。试卷发下来再抄别人90多分的,自己再在0前面加一个9,回家理直气壮给老妈看!4.小学的时候上数学课,老师讲的正火热,我实在忍不住,举手说:“老师,我要上厕所!”老师一脸嫌弃的说:“去吧,去吧!”我赶紧跑出去,走到后门,发现鞋带开了,就蹲下来系鞋带。老师赶紧跑过来,一脸惶恐的说“你别在这拉啊!”5.大姨是个标准的女汉子,有天语重心长地教育我:妞妞啊,女孩子家家的,要温柔一点,你将来可是要嫁人的啊!我(小声嘀咕):你都不温柔。她:谁说老子不温柔!谁敢说老子不温柔

  32-t}function r(e,r,i,s,o,u){return t(n(t(t(r,e),t(s,u)),o),i)}function i(e,t,n,i,s,o,u){return r(t&n~t&i,e,t,s,o,u)}function s(e,t,n,i,s,o,u){return r(t&in&~i,e,t,s,o,u)}function o(e,t,n,i,s,o,u){return r(t^n^i,e,t,s,o,u)}function u(e,t,n,i,s,o,u){return r(n^(t~i),e,t,s,o,u)}function a(e,n){e[n>

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