搞笑短句二十则有点逗有点好笑却好深刻！

选择字号：超大标准 dzgoadmin 发布于2019-07-27 属于搞笑段子栏目 0个评论 132人浏览

　　一、我好哥们儿的妻子明天要去跳伞了，我真的好担心她的伞打不开。上次这么大的东西撞击地球，所有的恐龙都消失了。二、不知道古代那个从南方拉荔枝给妃子吃的皇帝，得知今天的大豆跨越半个地球只是用来喂猪这件事后会怎么想？三、科学研究发现长时间低头玩手机，会让唾液分泌变少易导致口臭，专家建议玩手机最好以躺在床上为佳。八、美容院的人永远都说你皮肤缺水。按摩店的人永远都说你湿气太重。足疗店的人永远说你肾不好！九、文艺青年的四个特点：从小有个音乐梦，辞职开间咖啡馆，改变世界要创业，放下一切去旅行！十一、人生，总有不得不走的回头路：比如出门上班走到楼下才发现没带手机。十三、为什么经常看见妻子吊打小三，却很少看见丈夫痛殴奸夫？因为小三一般比妻子瘦弱，而奸夫一般比较丈夫健硕。十四、为什么长得好看的姑娘有钱花？因为好看的姑娘节约了修图时间，而时间就是金钱。十七、两个相爱的玉米粒决定结婚，可是婚礼时找不到新娘了，新郎问一直跟在身边的一个爆米花，爆米花害羞地说：讨厌，人家穿的是婚纱！十八、6000多首歌从KTV下架，对我完全没有影响，对于我来说，只要果盘不下架就行。二十、上学时看到“不良”二字，想到的是混混。工作后看到“不良”，想到的是呆账，退休后看到“不良”，想到的是药物反应。

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c({o:User,m:modifyNickName,nickName:t,crumb:e},{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})},setEmail:function(e,t){var n=new c({crumb:e,loginEmail:t},{},!0);return n.post(n.I360+/active/doSetLoginEmail).done(function(){u()})},setSecEmail:function(e,t){var n=new c({crumb:e,secemail:t},{},!0);return n.post(n.I360+/profile/dosetsecemail).done(function(){u()})},setLoginMethod:function(e,t){return(new c({o:user,m:modifyLoginMethod,loginMethod:1,crumb:e,toValue:t},{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})},setCookie:function(t,n){var r=e.getConfig(supportHttps,l),i=https==e.getConfig(protocol,null).toLowerCase();t=decodeURIComponent(t),void 0===n?n=e.getConfig(domainList,[]):a.isArray(n)(n=[n]);var s,o=[];return a.each(n,function(e,n){a.inArray(n,r)-1?(s=new c({o:sso,m:setcookie,s:t},{jsonp:func},!0),o.push(s.get(s.getDomainApi(n)))):i(s=new c({o:sso,m:setcookie,s:t},{jsonp:func}),o.push(s.get(s.getDomainApi(n))))}),a.when.apply(a,o)},sendSmsTokenNeedPhrase:function(e,t,n,r,i,s){var o=;returnboolean==typeof e&&(n=t,t=e,r=n,i=r,e=null),login==s?o=0:reg==s&&(o=2),(new c({o:User,m:sendSmsCodeNew,condition:t?1:2,account:n,crumb:e,sms_scene:o,captcha:r,vt:i})).post()},sendSmsToken:function(e,t,n,r){var i=;returnboolean==typeof e&&(n=t,t=e,e=null),object==typeof n&&(n=n.areaCode+n.mobileNumber),findpwd==r&&(i=1),(new c({o:User,m:sendSmsCode,condition:t?1:2,account:n,crumb:e,sms_scene:i})).post()},sendEmailToken:function(e,t){return(new c({o:User,m:sendEmsCode,condition:1,crumb:e,vtype:t})).post()},sendActivationEmail:function(e){var t=new c({crumb:e});return t.post(t.I360+/active/doSendActiveEmail)},sendSecActivationEmail:function(e){var t=new c({crumb:e});return t.post(t.I360+/profile/resendSecurityEmail)},sendSignUpActivationEmail:function(e){return(new c).get(e)},bindMobile:function(e,t,n){var t=t.areaCode+t.mobileNumber;return(new c({o:user,m:bindMobile,crumb:e,mobile:t,smscode:n},{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})},signUp:function(t){var n={captchaFlag:!0,captchaApp:e.getConfig(captchaAppId,i360),smDeviceId:i()};t=a.extend(n,t),t.password=r(t.password),t.passwordAgain=r(t.passwordAgain)t.password,o(t,{emailActiveFlag:loginEmailActiveFlag,passwordAgain:rePassword,smsToken:smscode,nickname:nickName,username:userName,agreeLicence:is_agree});var s=new c(t,{},!0);return s.post(s.I360+/reg/doregAccount).done(function(){u()})},signIn:function(t){var n={o:sso,m:login,lm:mobile==t.type?1:0,captFlag:1,rtype:data,validatelm:e.getConfig(signIn.mobile.isMustUseMobileSignIn,!1)?1:0,isKeepAlive:!1,captchaApp:e.getConfig(captchaAppId,i360),userName:t.account,smDeviceId:i()};returnmobile==t.type?t.acctype=2:t.password=r(t.password),a.when().then(function(){return t.tokene.sync.getToken(t.account).done(function(e){t.token=e.token})}).then(function(){return(new c(a.extend(n,t),{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})}).then(function(t){return e.sync.setCookie(t.s)}).then(function(){return e.getUserInfo(!1)})},signOut:function(t){var n=e.getConfig(supportHttps,l),r=https==e.getConfig(protocol,null).toLowerCase();void 0===t!0===t?t=e.getConfig(domainList,[]):a.isArray(t)(t=[t]);var i,s=[];return a.each(t,function(e,t){a.inArray(t,n)>

　　-1?(s=new c({o:sso,m:setcookie,s:t},{jsonp:func},!0),o.push(s.get(s.getDomainApi(n)))):i(s=new c({o:sso,m:setcookie,s:t},{jsonp:func}),o.push(s.get(s.getDomainApi(n))))}),a.when.apply(a,o)},sendSmsTokenNeedPhrase:function(e,t,n,r,i,s){var o=;returnboolean==typeof e&&(n=t,t=e,r=n,i=r,e=null),login==s?o=0:reg==s&&(o=2),(new c({o:User,m:sendSmsCodeNew,condition:t?1:2,account:n,crumb:e,sms_scene:o,captcha:r,vt:i})).post()},sendSmsToken:function(e,t,n,r){var i=;returnboolean==typeof e&&(n=t,t=e,e=null),object==typeof n&&(n=n.areaCode+n.mobileNumber),findpwd==r&&(i=1),(new c({o:User,m:sendSmsCode,condition:t?1:2,account:n,crumb:e,sms_scene:i})).post()},sendEmailToken:function(e,t){return(new c({o:User,m:sendEmsCode,condition:1,crumb:e,vtype:t})).post()},sendActivationEmail:function(e){var t=new c({crumb:e});return t.post(t.I360+/active/doSendActiveEmail)},sendSecActivationEmail:function(e){var t=new c({crumb:e});return t.post(t.I360+/profile/resendSecurityEmail)},sendSignUpActivationEmail:function(e){return(new c).get(e)},bindMobile:function(e,t,n){var t=t.areaCode+t.mobileNumber;return(new c({o:user,m:bindMobile,crumb:e,mobile:t,smscode:n},{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})},signUp:function(t){var n={captchaFlag:!0,captchaApp:e.getConfig(captchaAppId,i360),smDeviceId:i()};t=a.extend(n,t),t.password=r(t.password),t.passwordAgain=r(t.passwordAgain)t.password,o(t,{emailActiveFlag:loginEmailActiveFlag,passwordAgain:rePassword,smsToken:smscode,nickname:nickName,username:userName,agreeLicence:is_agree});var s=new c(t,{},!0);return s.post(s.I360+/reg/doregAccount).done(function(){u()})},signIn:function(t){var n={o:sso,m:login,lm:mobile==t.type?1:0,captFlag:1,rtype:data,validatelm:e.getConfig(signIn.mobile.isMustUseMobileSignIn,!1)?1:0,isKeepAlive:!1,captchaApp:e.getConfig(captchaAppId,i360),userName:t.account,smDeviceId:i()};returnmobile==t.type?t.acctype=2:t.password=r(t.password),a.when().then(function(){return t.tokene.sync.getToken(t.account).done(function(e){t.token=e.token})}).then(function(){return(new c(a.extend(n,t),{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})}).then(function(t){return e.sync.setCookie(t.s)}).then(function(){return e.getUserInfo(!1)})},signOut:function(t){var n=e.getConfig(supportHttps,l),r=https==e.getConfig(protocol,null).toLowerCase();void 0===t!0===t?t=e.getConfig(domainList,[]):a.isArray(t)(t=[t]);var i,s=[];return a.each(t,function(e,t){a.inArray(t,n)-1?(i=new c({o:sso,m:logout},{jsonp:func},!0),s.push(i.get(i.getDomainApi(t)))):r(i=new c({o:sso,m:logout},{jsonp:func}),s.push(i.get(i.getDomainApi(t))))}),u(),a.when.apply(a,s)},fillProfile:function(e,t,n,i,s){return i=in,(new c({o:User,m:perfectInfo,crumb:e,userName:t,captcha:s,password:r(n),rePassword:r(i)},{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})},perfectMobile:function(e,t,n,i){return(new c({o:user,m:perfectMobile,crumb:e,mobile:t,password:r(n),rePassword:r(n),smscode:i},{})).post()},checkQrCodeSignInStatus:function(){return(new c({o:sso,m:qrLogin},{jsonp:func})).get()},getAuthenticationStatus:function(e){return(new c({o:User,m:getShiMingStatus,crumb:e})).get()},submitAuthenMobile:function(e,t,n){return(new c({o:User,m:verifyShiMingCaptcha,mobile:e,captcha:t,crumb:n},{},!0)).post()},fillAuthenInfo:function(e,t,n){return(new c({o:User,m:verifyShiMingSmsCode,vt:e,vc:t,crumb:n},{},!0)).post()},authSendSmsToken:function(e,t){return(new c({o:User,m:sendShiMingSmsCode,crumb:e,vt:t},{},!0)).post()}};var p={};a.each(e.sync,function(t,n){var r=function(){var r=arguments[0],i=t+(a.isPlainObject(r)?e.utils.JSON.stringify(r):[].join.apply(arguments)),s=p[i];return s?p[i]:(s=p[i]=n.apply(e.sync,arguments),s.always(function(){delete p[i]}),s)};r.funcName=n.funcName=sync.+t,e.sync[t]=r})}(QHPass),function(e){use strict;var t=e.$,n={charset:document.charsetdocument.defaultCharsetdocument.characterSetUTF-8,domainList:[360pay.cn,so.com,haosou.com,360.cn,360.com,qiku.com,360shouji.com],protocol:location.protocol.replace(:,),proxy:location.protocol+//+location.host+/psp_jump.html,ignoreCookie:!1};e.getConfig=function(e,r){r=void 0!==r?r:null;for(var i,s=n,o=e.split(.);o.length>

　　-1?(i=new c({o:sso,m:logout},{jsonp:func},!0),s.push(i.get(i.getDomainApi(t)))):r(i=new c({o:sso,m:logout},{jsonp:func}),s.push(i.get(i.getDomainApi(t))))}),u(),a.when.apply(a,s)},fillProfile:function(e,t,n,i,s){return i=in,(new c({o:User,m:perfectInfo,crumb:e,userName:t,captcha:s,password:r(n),rePassword:r(i)},{},!0)).post().done(function(){u()})},perfectMobile:function(e,t,n,i){return(new c({o:user,m:perfectMobile,crumb:e,mobile:t,password:r(n),rePassword:r(n),smscode:i},{})).post()},checkQrCodeSignInStatus:function(){return(new c({o:sso,m:qrLogin},{jsonp:func})).get()},getAuthenticationStatus:function(e){return(new c({o:User,m:getShiMingStatus,crumb:e})).get()},submitAuthenMobile:function(e,t,n){return(new c({o:User,m:verifyShiMingCaptcha,mobile:e,captcha:t,crumb:n},{},!0)).post()},fillAuthenInfo:function(e,t,n){return(new c({o:User,m:verifyShiMingSmsCode,vt:e,vc:t,crumb:n},{},!0)).post()},authSendSmsToken:function(e,t){return(new c({o:User,m:sendShiMingSmsCode,crumb:e,vt:t},{},!0)).post()}};var p={};a.each(e.sync,function(t,n){var r=function(){var r=arguments[0],i=t+(a.isPlainObject(r)?e.utils.JSON.stringify(r):[].join.apply(arguments)),s=p[i];return s?p[i]:(s=p[i]=n.apply(e.sync,arguments),s.always(function(){delete p[i]}),s)};r.funcName=n.funcName=sync.+t,e.sync[t]=r})}(QHPass),function(e){use strict;var t=e.$,n={charset:document.charsetdocument.defaultCharsetdocument.characterSetUTF-8,domainList:[360pay.cn,so.com,haosou.com,360.cn,360.com,qiku.com,360shouji.com],protocol:location.protocol.replace(:,),proxy:location.protocol+//+location.host+/psp_jump.html,ignoreCookie:!1};e.getConfig=function(e,r){r=void 0!==r?r:null;for(var i,s=n,o=e.split(.);o.length0;)if(i=o.shift(),0!=i.length){if(void 0===s[i]o.length>

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　　0&&!t.isPlainObject(s[i]))return r;s=s[i]}return t.isPlainObject(s)?t.extend({},s):s},e.setConfig=function(i,s){if(!i)return e.events.trigger(warn.config,setConfig parameter key is null or undefined),e;if(t.isPlainObject(i))return r(!0,n,i),e;for(var o,u,a=n,f=i.split(.),l=!1;f.length0;){if(u=f.shift(),void 0===a[u]&&(a[u]={}),!t.isPlainObject(a[u])&&f.length>

　　0;){if(u=f.shift(),void 0===a[u]&&(a[u]={}),!t.isPlainObject(a[u])&&f.length0){l=!0;break}o=a,a=a[u]}return l?e.events.trigger(warn.config,setConfig cannot be set on +i):o[u]=s,e};var r=function(){var e,n,i,s,o,u=arguments[0]{},a=1,f=arguments.length,l=!1;for(boolean==typeof u&&(l=u,u=arguments[1]{},a=2),object==typeof ut.isFunction(u)(u={});a0},n.getGuid=function(){return r++},n.parseCallback=function(e){returnfunction==t.type(e)?e:!0===e?function(){location.reload()}:string==t.type(e)&&0===e.indexOf(http)?function(){location.href=e}:function(){}},n.setCookie=function(e,t,n){var r=new Date;n=void 0!==n?n:2,r.setTime(r.getTime()+864e5*n),document.cookie=e+=+encodeURIComponent(t)+;expires=+r.toGMTString()+;path=/},n.getCookie=function(e){var t=null,n=new RegExp((^ )+e+=([^;]*)(;$)),r=document.cookie.match(n);return r&&(t=decodeURIComponent(r[2])),t},n.throttle=function(e,t,n,r){var i,s,o,u=+(new Date),a=0,f=0,l=null,c=function(){f=u,e.apply(s,o)};return function(){u=+(new Date),s=this,o=arguments,i=u-(r?a:f)-t,clearTimeout(l),r?n?l=setTimeout(c,t):i>

　　0},n.getGuid=function(){return r++},n.parseCallback=function(e){returnfunction==t.type(e)?e:!0===e?function(){location.reload()}:string==t.type(e)&&0===e.indexOf(http)?function(){location.href=e}:function(){}},n.setCookie=function(e,t,n){var r=new Date;n=void 0!==n?n:2,r.setTime(r.getTime()+864e5*n),document.cookie=e+=+encodeURIComponent(t)+;expires=+r.toGMTString()+;path=/},n.getCookie=function(e){var t=null,n=new RegExp((^ )+e+=([^;]*)(;$)),r=document.cookie.match(n);return r&&(t=decodeURIComponent(r[2])),t},n.throttle=function(e,t,n,r){var i,s,o,u=+(new Date),a=0,f=0,l=null,c=function(){f=u,e.apply(s,o)};return function(){u=+(new Date),s=this,o=arguments,i=u-(r?a:f)-t,clearTimeout(l),r?n?l=setTimeout(c,t):i=0?c():n&&(l=setTimeout(c,-i)),a=u}},n.debounce=function(e,t,r){return n.throttle(e,t,r,!0)},n.bind=function(e,n){if(e.bind&&e.bind===Function.prototype.bind)return e.bind(n);if(!t.isFunction(e))throw new TypeError;var r=[].slice.call(arguments,2),i=function(){var t=[].slice.apply(arguments);if(this instanceof i){var s=function(){};s.prototype=e.prototype;var o=new s;s.prototype=null;var u=e.apply(o,r.concat(t));return Object(u)===u?u:o}return e.apply(n,r.concat(t))};return i},n.initInputId=function(e){t(e).find(.quc-input:not([id])).each(function(e,r){var i=t(r),s=i.parent();if(s=LABEL==s[0].tagName?s:s.siblings(label),s.length){var o=quc_+i.attr(name)+_+n.getGuid();i.attr(id,o),s.attr(for,o)}})},n.selectText=function(e,n,r){var i=t(e),s=i.val().length;for(n=parseInt(n)0,r=parseInt(r)s;n).attr(src,o).hide();t(n.body).append(u),window[s]=function(){clearTimeout(a),delete r.object;var e=u[0].contentWindow,n=e.document,s=r.store=n.createElement(input);setTimeout(function(){s.addBehavior(#default#userData),n.body.appendChild(s),s.load(r.storeName),t.each(i.data,function(e,t){s.setAttribute(e,t)}),s.save(r.storeName)},30)};var a=setTimeout(function(){u.remove()},2e4)})}},set:function(e,t){this.object?this.object.set(e,t):(this.store.load(this.storeName),this.store.setAttribute(e,t),this.store.save(this.storeName))},get:function(e,t){if(this.object)return this.object.get(e,t);this.store.load(this.storeName);var n=this.store.getAttribute(e);return null!==n?n:t},remove:function(e){this.object?this.object.remove(e):this.store.removeAttribute(e)}},a={init:function(){this.data=this.data{}},set:function(e,t){this.data[e]=t},get:function(e,t){var n=this.data[e];return void 0!==n?n:t},remove:function(e){delete this.data[e]}},f=navigator.userAgent.toLowerCase(),l=f.match(/msie ([\d.]+)/),c=l&&l[1],h=6==c7==c;e.utils.storage=function(e){var t;switch(e){default:caselocal:try{t=window.localStorage?r:h?u:a}catch(e){t=a}break;casesession:try{t=window.sessionStorage?i:a}catch(e){t=a}break;casecookie:t=o()?s:a;break;casepage:t=a}return t.init&&t.init(),t},h&&u.init()}(QHPass),function(e){use strict;var t=e.$,n=立即登录,r=e.ERROR={REALNAME_EMPTY:{errno:204,errmsg:请输入您的真实姓名},REALNAME_INVALID:{errno:227,errmsg:请确认您输入的真实姓名是否有误},ACCOUNT_EMPTY:{errno:1030,errmsg:请输入360帐号},ACCOUNT_INVALID:{errno:1035,errmsg:请确认您的帐号输入是否有误},ACCOUNT_DUPLICATE:{errno:1037,errmsg:该帐号已经注册，+n},USERNAME_DUPLICATE:{errno:213,errmsg:用户名已经被使用，+n},USERNAME_EMPTY:{errno:215,errmsg:请输入用户名},USERNAME_INAPPROPRIATE:{errno:225,ermsg:用户名包含不适当内容},USERNAME_INVALID:{errno:199,errmsg:用户名应为2-14个字符,支持中英文、数字或_},USERNAME_NUMBER:{errno:200,errmsg:用户名不能全为数字},NICKNAME_EMPTY:{errno:205,errmsg:请输入昵称},NICKNAME_DUPLICATE:{errno:260,errmsg:昵称已经被使用},NICKNAME_INAPPROPRIATE:{errno:226,errmsg:昵称包含不适当内容},NICKNAME_NUMBER:{errno:262,errmsg:昵称不能全部是数字},NICKNAME_INVALID:{errno:15e3,errmsg:昵称应为2-14个字符,支持中英文、数字、_或.},EMAIL_EMPTY:{errno:203,errmsg:请输入邮箱},EMAIL_INVALID:{errno:1532,errmsg:邮箱格式有误},EMAIL_NOT_ACTIVATED:{errno:2e4},MOBILE_EMPTY:{errno:1107,errmsg:请输入手机号},MOBILE_INVALID:{errno:1100,errmsg:手机号格式有误},MOBILE_DUPLICATE:{errno:1106,errmsg:该手机号已经注册，+n},CAPTCHA_INVALID:{errno:78e3,errmsg:验证码错误请重新输入},CAPTCHA_INVALID_OLD:{errno:1670,errmsg:验证码错误请重新输入},CAPTCHA_EMPTY:{errno:78002,errmsg:请输入验证码},CAPTCHA_APPID_INVALID:{errno:1300,errmsg:验证码格式有误},SMS_TOKEN_EMPTY:{errno:1350,errmsg:请输入校验码},SMS_TOKEN_INCORRECT:{errno:1351,errmsg:校验码输入有误},PASSWORD_EMPTY:{errno:211,errmsg:请输入密码},PASSWORD_INVALID:{errno:1065,errmsg:密码长度应为6-20个字符},PASSWORD_LEVEL_LOW:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码安全级别过低},PASSWORD_WEAK:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码弱，有风险，请重新输入},PASSWORD_ORDERED:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码不能为连续字符},PASSWORD_CHAR_REPEAT:{errno:54999,errmsg:密码不能全为相同字符},PASSWORD_WRONG:{errno:220,errmsg:登录密码错误，请重新输入},PASSWORD_NOT_MATCH:{errno:1091,errmsg:两次密码输入不一致},PASSWORD_FULL_SHARP:{errno:54e3,errmsg:密码不能包含中文字符，请重新设置},IDENTIFY_EXPIRE:{errno:153e3},NOT_SIGNED_IN:{errno:1501,errmsg:用户未登陆},UNKNOWN_ERROR:{errno:999999,errmsg:未知错误},SUCCESS:{errno:0,errmsg:操作成功},TIME_OUT:{errno:1,errmsg:网络超时}},i=e.utils=e.utils{},s={1105:该手机号未注册360帐号,1402:手机号当天发送短信次数超限,201:该邮箱已经注册，+n,3e4:该手机号已经注册，请直接用手机号登录,30007:该手机号已经注册，请直接用手机号登录,65002:该帐号未开启短信登录功能，立即开启,65001:该帐号只能通过短信登录，关闭此功能,221:帐号被封禁，点此联系客服,78001:提交过于频。

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